What it feels like, part 2

Today - Canada Day - our quiet neighbourhood was invaded.

AUPE advertised on their website and facebook page that they were hosting a Canada Day BBQ, giving out the address to the high rise of our co-op as the location, saying "all are welcome" to OUR HOME for free Fat Franks hot dogs.

More about the actual event will be posted later, as members submit their thoughts, photos and video for sharing.

There is one thing that needs to be addressed first.

Right up front, I want to state that this blog is not one person, despite my sometimes talking in the first person.  It is a collaborative effort of people in Artspace who have been negatively affected by the strike, who have been trying to get their voices heard for almost 2 months, but have been ignored and dismissed.  AUPE members have even gone so far as to state that no one has been complaining about their actions, despite piles of incident reports, calls to the police, letters/emails to AUPE and Labour Relations, letters to editors, calls to the media and reaching out to politicians, on top of physical evidence such as photos and video.

There was some conversation about an earlier post, describing What it feels like, to be living in Artspace right now.  In it, we state that we feel like we are being raped.  One person, who agrees that the sentiment reflected their personal feelings, suggested that the language might be too strong, and that AUPE might resort to what seems to be their favourite objection whenever we try to speak out; that we are being "offensive."   Perhaps we should take it down?

When this was brought up for discussion with other members, however, there was an overwhelming chorus of NO!  This post described exactly how they felt, and they did not what it changed or toned down.

Because it's the truth.

We feel raped.

We feel violated.

Today was a perfect example.  With neither our permission, nor our consent, AUPE saw fit to host an event AT OUR HOME, with an open invitation to any and all, using free Fat Franks hot dogs as a lure.

They didn't even have the City's permission, with no permits issued.  The City of Edmonton informed Edmonton Police about what AUPE was planning, stating that the union did not have our permission for this event.

They knew we did not want them there.

They knew that the noise and disruption would cause both physical and emotional harm to our most vulnerable members.

Most aggravating of all was their apparent belief that we should have somehow felt grateful for what they were doing; that they were somehow doing us a favour.

They have also used the very few Artspace members who do support them to justify their abusive behaviour.  Which means that, on top of feeling violated, we feel, to use just some of the emotions expressed by members, "shocked", "betrayed" and "like being stabbed in the back."

Betrayal was the sentiment most often expressed.

One of the observations expressed in some member's documentation of AUPE's behaviour was that it was classic psychological abuse (emotional and mental manipulation).  With that in mind, let us look at a list of 23 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics, and see how many we can check off.  (Note that this list is geared towards individual relationships, but they are the same tactics being used by one group - AUPE - against Artspace members.)

1. Positive Reinforcement (praise, flattery, superficial charm) - this seems to be the tactic they are trying with their new "leader"
2. Intermittent positive reinforcement (includes random praise, declarations of live, etc.) - demonstrated when picketers go from saying how much they love user members, to saying these members don't deserve their care
3. Negative reinforcements (the manipulator stops performing a negative behaviour on compliance) - this has been demonstrated by picketers telling us all this would stop and they would go away, if only we would give in to their demands, or by telling members they would be allowed to pass/etc. if only they would take a flier, sign a petition, stop recording, etc.
4. Not allowing negative emotion (the victim is chastised for emotional behaviour) - exemplified by doing such things as claiming offence whenever Artspace members express their feelings about what the picketers are doing.
5. Indirect aggressive abuse (drop the angry tone, disguising insult as helping, giving advice, etc., but in actually is an attempt to control, belittle and demean) - a lot of people have commented on this one, as picketers go from yelling and insults etc., to calling out "have a nice day" in mocking tones.
6. Triangulation (introduces others into the relationship to hurt the victim, etc.) - using the very few Artspace members who support them to justify their behaviour falls firmly into this category.  Also used when trying to convince Artspace members that SAIL is responsible for their actions.
7. Blaming the victim (putting the victim on the defencive, etc.) - used frequently, in conjunction with Triangulation, as exemplified by the guy with the megaphone claiming that it is SAIL, not themselves, that are "holding Artspace hostage", or that, because we haven't given in to their demands, we must like them being here.  Also exemplified when denying their own behaviour and publicly portraying the SAIL board as being dishonest, etc.
8. Insinuating comments (chosen to evoke an uncomfortable emotional response, using weaknesses and hot buttons) - examples of that were used today, when someone shouted in the street, demanding to know if SAIL has somehow proven to members that they are at risk of going bankrupt if they give in to AUPE demands.  It's another common one.
9. Empty words (turn on the charm, saying what you want to hear) - expressed when picketers are sometimes heard to call out "we love you!" so some of our members, or their public claims to only want to come back to work because they supposedly care so much for our user members.
10. Denying/invalidating reality (distorts or undermines the victims perceptions of the world, denying actions when confronted by their victim) - this one is often tied in with Blaming the victim, as mentioned above.  Other examples include denial that their actions, calling our claims are "hyperbole" or trying to re-write history and take credit for the efforts of others.
11. Minimising (claims the victim is making a big deal out of nothing or exaggerating) - this one is frequently used when AUPE is questioned by the media, by using such words as "hyperbole" to dismiss our complaints.
12. Withholding (refusing to communicate) - this one is exemplified more by union members, such as the new leader, talking at us about how we apparently should be feeling about their holding an event at our private homes, rather than listening to us when we tell her how we really feel.  
13. Lying (will say anything to get what they want; reverting to denial) - this one is more difficult to pin down, since it's hard to know when someone is lying when you don't have enough information.  A more concrete example is in the link in Denying/invalidating reality.
14. Gaslighting (when someone is witnessed as they say or do something, only to deny it when confronted) - connected to Denying/invalidating reality, but also exemplified by repeated claims that they are not actually engaging in the activities they have been doing for weeks; mostly used when talking to the media.
15. Projecting the blame (scapegoating) - frequently heard shouted through a megaphone, usually directed at the SAIL board members and members of the Artspace board.
16. Diversion and Evasion (steering conversation away, vague or rambling responses) - we put up with many days of rambling and babbling through a megaphone
17. Refusing to take responsibility (for behaviour or reactions to it) - connected to Denying/invalidating reality, Minimising, and Blaming the Victim behaviour.
18. Attempts to turn the tables to make you look like the abuser (pushing buttons, forcing suppressed emotions, instigating loss of control) - this was seen right from the first day of the strike, when picketers were seen trying to get hit by cars, but also when children were involved, etc.  The picketers have been working very hard to get Artspace members to break and have a reaction.
19. Diminishing and belittling your opinions and ideas (includes non-verbal expressions such as eye rolls, scoffs, etc.)  - this one is better exemplified by actions such as when their new leader was suggesting that our signs might hurt the feelings of the picketers and their friends as they violated our homes today.  Our expressions were completely dismissed as invalid.

So here we have 19 of the 23 manipulation tactics listed, and of the remaining four, at least two of them may actually need to be on the list, as well.

This is what Artspace members are living with.

This is why we say, we feel like we are being held hostage in our own homes.

Why we feel violated.

Why we feel like we are being raped.

This is what we are feeling.

To be forced to pretend otherwise, for fear we might somehow offend the picketers, is to just add to the abuse.